The Scientific Method

Once upon a time… there was a social network called MySpace. Yes, you remember. Think back, back, back. If you see yourself in diapers, you’ve gone too far. In a way, MySpace was like a social network in diapers.

Just 5-6 years ago MySpace was thee space to be.

I worked on my page feverishly during the 6 weeks I was home after the birth of my first child. My days were consumed by reruns of Charmed, working on my MySpace profile, baby feedings, changing diapers and dieting, some sleeping.

I returned to my MySpace page today after years of not logging in, and discovered this post…

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9 Months…40 Weeks…280 Days…6720 Hours…403,200 Minutes…

I think you get the picture. It’s A LONG TIME and a long process. You may not know what I’m talking about. Or perhaps you know all too well—that familiar tingling or cringe when you hear yourself, or another say,”I’m Pregnant”.

Step One: The Creaking Board

You know in every scary movie, the protagonist is trying to sneak away quietly, and when they are almost in the clear, a floorboard creaks, revealing their exact location. The killer turns around and… We all know how it ends.

Well, the wrappers on pregnancy tests are much worse—hard, crinkly and impossible to remove quietly. You can run the water while you remove the plastic; although, it might seem weird that you’re washing your hands before using the toilet. You can always claim O.C.D. Go ahead and laugh at yourself a little—this is a nerve-wracking situation no matter what outcome you hope for.

Step Two: Try Not to Pee on yourself.

Your hand shakes nervously as you hold the test in your urine stream, while trying to count out five seconds in your head, because less is too little and more is too much, and you don’t want an inaccurate reading ’cause then… then you might have to pee on your hands all over again.

Step Three: The Scientific Method.

We all learned about “The Scientific Method” in elementary school. There are 5 basic steps:

1. Name the problem or question
2. Form an educated guess (hypothesis) of the cause of the problem and make predictions.
3. Test your hypothesis by doing an experiment.
4. Check and interpret your results.
5. Report your results to the scientific community.

You never thought you would use it in the real world, but what better time than this.

1 ) The Problem: You haven’t gotten your Period.
2a) Your Guess is that you are Pregnant.
2b) Your Prediction is that in 9 months a Baby is coming out.

Now back to the experiment, I mean test.

Step 3: Replace the cover over the tip and lay on a flat surface. Do not hold at an angle for a prolonged amount of time as this may cause an inaccurate reading. You really have to read the directions; there are so many little tidbits they throw in.

Step Four: The ballots have been cast and the winner is…

It takes about 3 – 5 minutes for a completely accurate reading. Slowly, but surely a faint line will appear in the first box and then in the next. If you are not already pacing, now is the time. Don’t stare at the result window, nothing will happen; it’s tricky, like watching the grass grow, you can’t. You just walk outside one day, and it’s to your ankles. Okay, so this isn’t exactly the same, but you’ve wasted enough time by now that it should be time to take a look.

Flip, flip, flip through the instructions again, even though the picture on the outside of the box clearly shows how to read the results. A second blue line may appear in the first window to form a blue cross. You frantically look back and forth between the paper, the box, and the test.
The moment of truth is upon you and the test reads…

Up to this point, all test-takers are equally nervous or anxious. But now, after seeing the results, it’s no longer a matter of reading instructions, peeing on a strip, or looking for a blue line in the test window. Now it’s time to face the music.

Step Four: Interpret your results
(Yes, we’re still on Step 4)

Is this good news or bad news? Well, you probably won’t decide yet. You’ll probably take another test. You might even take several tests over the next few days. You may buy tests from different brands just to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with that lot.

You may decide that the tests are faulty, because you have been on some medication that you are sure has affected the outcome. Or, maybe your period got off track because you forgot to take the pill that one day. Maybe your body is changing, and you won’t get your period this month. Maybe something else is wrong, but you aren’t pregnant.

STOP!!!

Just face it. You are pregnant. There is a tiny bundle of cells that is slowly, but surely, going to grow and transform into a beautiful and innocent baby boy or girl. If you don’t believe the 6 tests you took, then go to the doctor, but it’s time to start thinking about the future. What are you going to do? What do you want to do? Should you tell your husband, boyfriend, lover, that guy from your English class or that one night stand? Are you going to tell anybody at all? Who should you tell? When should you tell? Should you call your gynecologist to make an appointment? An appointment for your first prenatal visit or a consultation for a termination?

The truth is that not everybody wants to be pregnant. Maybe you think you are too young or too old, too poor, too busy, too single, too hot; finishing college; working in a convent; living at home, but feel like you’re living in a convent; maybe you don’t want that guy to be the dad; or maybe you don’t know who the dad is.

There are a million if’s, and’s or but’s; “Cada persona es un mundo” (Each person is a world of their own). They each have their own problems and solutions, reasons and excuses, and no one other person can really tell them what is right or wrong for them. However that may be, remember, you are not alone. There is always someone out there who cares about you, so OPEN UP! If you think you are pregnant and don’t know what you should do, or even if you have some other issue troubling you. Don’t bottle it in.

Step Five: Report your results to the scientific community.

In my case, the test was positive. An uncontrollable smile and irrepressible joy rose to my cheeks. I put the test down, picked it up again, and so on. I couldn’t believe it.

My husband and I were really excited. We had a beautiful little girl who was 17 months old. Girl or boy, it would be our second child, and we were very excited. We had been trying for the second one for about 6 months and finally, WE WERE PREGNANT! Eight months later, we had a beautiful 8 pound baby boy.

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I’m sure everyone on MySpace was really excited, too. After all, it pretty much gave birth to Facebook.

Pockets

My name is Carmen Maria Hernandez, and I am NOT a recovering iPhone addict.

* Step 1 – I admit I am powerless over iProducts – BUT my life has become more manageable because of them.

Even as we speak, or read, I am using my iPhone memo app to write this post in the bathroom, my second office.

The bathroom is probably a commonplace for iPhone, iPad or other smart-device use; however, my usage doesn’t stop there.

I take my iPhone everywhere. I lay it on the counter closest to the shower; thankfully, I have the Life-proof case, so I can answer in the event of an emergency. In my car, it is in the cup-holder, charging or readily accessible on the door sill, where I also keep my menudo (pocket change). At work, it’s on my desk, or in my pocket. At the gym, it is in my hand throughout my cardio; I go to my cubby in between sets and hit the home button, just itching for a notification. I generally wear clothing with pockets to ensure I can keep my phone on me at all times; I am also a Levi’s 535 Legging Jeans ADDICT. I suffer when I have to wear a dress, skirt, or other apparel than does not have pockets. And, unfortunately, I don’t have breasts big enough to stash my phone in my bra. It would be all phone.

I never stray more than 10 feet away from it, or I start beeping like a portable phone that’s too far from it’s base. It is my pacemaker. I check it no less than every 10 minutes for updates in email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, and so on. Those little red circles and white numbers in the corners of an app are an instant energy boost.

I am taking the first step—admitting I have a problem. I normally don’t point out problems, unless I have some sort of plausible solution. In this case, I don’t know that I WANT to have a solution.

Unless… I can surgically attach the iPhone to my wrist!

* Step 2 – Come to believe that a Power greater than the iProducts could restore me to sanity.

Wait, there is something GREATER than the iPhone?!?!?!

My husband thinks I have a problem. His solution is to delete Facebook, and all the other social media apps, that keep me replying ,”uh huh, yea, ok” in many unattended conversations. But mainly, he just refrains from social media use of any type.

He DOES NOT want to know if so and so is “In a relationship” or if “It’s complicated”. He does not want to deal with the emotional ramifications of being unfriended on Facebook, muted on twitter, or unfollowed on Instagram.

He does not wish to “like” a status about so and so checking in at Flannigans; or get unsolicited reminders to download Candy Crush. He does not want that random friend request message,”Oh my God. I haven’t seen you in years!”

Yea? There’s a reason for that.

He does not want to Tumble through pics and clips of Lebron dunking, although he loves that; hot chicks in panties, although he loves that, too; nor far away exotic bungalows overlooking a crystalline sea that he dreams about, but most probably will never travel to.

He does not care about Lil Wayne’s latest tweet, Rihanna’s raunchy pics, or a clever retweet of what some Grumpy Cat wannabe said.

You may be wondering what he does do with his iPhone???

Well, he does make and receive phone calls and texts…sparingly. He is anti, social media; but, probably, a little anti-social, as well. Think one word responses, and, in some instances, grumbling and mumbling. I love him to death, but sometimes it’s like listening to someone and not knowing if they answered you in Spanish or English because your brain could not process a single sound? #MiamiProblems

He also checks the occasional email, and plays Dice with Buddies regularly.

Oh, and he does stay up to the minute on the latest headlines with the CNN app. So, he gets some points for that.

Don’t misunderstand me. My husband is by no means lacking in intelligence, joy, or the desire for innovation. He just does not waste any time on “an electronic tracking device” (his words verbatim) disguised as a tool for social growth or acceptance. Yes, there are useful and educational apps, but let’s face it, we do spend a good majority of the time checking status updates.

My husband can probably go two days without charging his phone, while I can’t go two hours.

So, who is right?

In any case, I suppose extremes are bad either way.

And here I am, 6% battery left on my iPad, and I’m suffering because the charging cable is not long enough for me to charge and type.

Better wrap it up.

* Step 3 – Make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand Him.

Now, that one I can check off as a given.

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This post is in no way meant to belittle the struggle with alcoholism or poke fun at Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe alcoholism is a serious issue, specifically, more and more in today’s youth.

The actual first three steps to recovery from alcoholism are:

* Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

* Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.

The 12 Steps

This is a recent AA story I read by Roger Ebert.