My name is Carmen Maria Hernandez, and I am NOT a recovering iPhone addict.

* Step 1 – I admit I am powerless over iProducts – BUT my life has become more manageable because of them.

Even as we speak, or read, I am using my iPhone memo app to write this post in the bathroom, my second office.

The bathroom is probably a commonplace for iPhone, iPad or other smart-device use; however, my usage doesn’t stop there.

I take my iPhone everywhere. I lay it on the counter closest to the shower; thankfully, I have the Life-proof case, so I can answer in the event of an emergency. In my car, it is in the cup-holder, charging or readily accessible on the door sill, where I also keep my menudo (pocket change). At work, it’s on my desk, or in my pocket. At the gym, it is in my hand throughout my cardio; I go to my cubby in between sets and hit the home button, just itching for a notification. I generally wear clothing with pockets to ensure I can keep my phone on me at all times; I am also a Levi’s 535 Legging Jeans ADDICT. I suffer when I have to wear a dress, skirt, or other apparel than does not have pockets. And, unfortunately, I don’t have breasts big enough to stash my phone in my bra. It would be all phone.

I never stray more than 10 feet away from it, or I start beeping like a portable phone that’s too far from it’s base. It is my pacemaker. I check it no less than every 10 minutes for updates in email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, and so on. Those little red circles and white numbers in the corners of an app are an instant energy boost.

I am taking the first step—admitting I have a problem. I normally don’t point out problems, unless I have some sort of plausible solution. In this case, I don’t know that I WANT to have a solution.

Unless… I can surgically attach the iPhone to my wrist!

* Step 2 – Come to believe that a Power greater than the iProducts could restore me to sanity.

Wait, there is something GREATER than the iPhone?!?!?!

My husband thinks I have a problem. His solution is to delete Facebook, and all the other social media apps, that keep me replying ,”uh huh, yea, ok” in many unattended conversations. But mainly, he just refrains from social media use of any type.

He DOES NOT want to know if so and so is “In a relationship” or if “It’s complicated”. He does not want to deal with the emotional ramifications of being unfriended on Facebook, muted on twitter, or unfollowed on Instagram.

He does not wish to “like” a status about so and so checking in at Flannigans; or get unsolicited reminders to download Candy Crush. He does not want that random friend request message,”Oh my God. I haven’t seen you in years!”

Yea? There’s a reason for that.

He does not want to Tumble through pics and clips of Lebron dunking, although he loves that; hot chicks in panties, although he loves that, too; nor far away exotic bungalows overlooking a crystalline sea that he dreams about, but most probably will never travel to.

He does not care about Lil Wayne’s latest tweet, Rihanna’s raunchy pics, or a clever retweet of what some Grumpy Cat wannabe said.

You may be wondering what he does do with his iPhone???

Well, he does make and receive phone calls and texts…sparingly. He is anti, social media; but, probably, a little anti-social, as well. Think one word responses, and, in some instances, grumbling and mumbling. I love him to death, but sometimes it’s like listening to someone and not knowing if they answered you in Spanish or English because your brain could not process a single sound? #MiamiProblems

He also checks the occasional email, and plays Dice with Buddies regularly.

Oh, and he does stay up to the minute on the latest headlines with the CNN app. So, he gets some points for that.

Don’t misunderstand me. My husband is by no means lacking in intelligence, joy, or the desire for innovation. He just does not waste any time on “an electronic tracking device” (his words verbatim) disguised as a tool for social growth or acceptance. Yes, there are useful and educational apps, but let’s face it, we do spend a good majority of the time checking status updates.

My husband can probably go two days without charging his phone, while I can’t go two hours.

So, who is right?

In any case, I suppose extremes are bad either way.

And here I am, 6% battery left on my iPad, and I’m suffering because the charging cable is not long enough for me to charge and type.

Better wrap it up.

* Step 3 – Make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand Him.

Now, that one I can check off as a given.

——–

This post is in no way meant to belittle the struggle with alcoholism or poke fun at Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe alcoholism is a serious issue, specifically, more and more in today’s youth.

The actual first three steps to recovery from alcoholism are:

* Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

* Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.

The 12 Steps

This is a recent AA story I read by Roger Ebert.